Aiby’s Story
What brought you to All Kings?
First, I want to say that throughout my life I always knew that there was a need for this, but it was nowhere to be found in my neighborhoods. So I have always wanted to be a part of something like this. It’s why our young men join gangs and neighborhood crews -- to find a brotherhood. Second, in my quest to find or create something like All Kings, I was invited to a screening of "The Work," and I knew right away that I found my home!
Who are your people? What was your life before All Kings?
I was born and raised in the 80's on the east side "Spanish" Harlem. Life in the inner city wasn't so easy. As a result of the Vietnam war, lots of our men were traumatized and on heroin, and later on crack. Oppression made it difficult to get any good paying jobs. My father was no exception. He was hooked on heroin, and by the time I was four out of the picture. My mom had no education past middle school, and by the time I was eight years old, I was introduced to the "drug game" counting bottles in the crack house to make sure that the inventory went out to the distributors correctly. For this, I'd get all of the change given to the dealers — $50-$120 per shift. By the time I was twelve years old I had gotten arrested for selling 2 bags of angle dust to an undercover. From there the cops were onto me and always harassing me. My life from the age of sixteen until one month before my eighteen bday was in juvenile detention, then Rikers Island.
And how was your reentry that time?
Not good. When I came home, I got heavily into drinking to cope with my struggle to stay free, and my need to create income. I had my son by the time I was twenty, and ended up back and forth to jail for numerous crimes mainly violence and gun related. I eventually lost my children's mother, and my children — 2 boys now — were taken into custody. The fight to get them back lead me to do substance abuse programs, anger management, and parenting classes, which only helped because I wanted them back and not because the actual classes taught anything. This was the beginning of my transition. I found AA shortly after starting my moving company, and after a transformational workshop. All Kings was an extension of that. This work has literally saved my life.
What was your first All Kings weekend like? What do you think it gave you?
My first weekend was sort of a training or trial for All Kings. But even though I didn’t get the full experience, it was so profound and moving. There was a unity, a bond and, a sense of community between all of us men who did the work together. It also created a safe space for us to show emotion, to express our fears and whatever was coming up for us. After the workshop, I went into my life and saw immediate results. I created more jobs and income for my company. I created new relationships that I had wanted in my life. I spoke my truths -- now that I was aware of them -- to the people in my life, who had known me to operate in more closed and controlled manner. Getting deep into myself and pulling out the gifts inside gave me something to give the world.
How does All Kings differ from other trainings or self-development programs you’ve been a part of?
Although All Kings is technically a group workshop, it doesn’t feel like it at all.I got the feeling it was focused only on me. Like, every moment touched my soul. Like at the bottom of me there was something that was already there, something beautiful that All Kings was bringing up. I made connections to myself in new ways, and then can ask for support from the other men, to build this new and changed life.
How has the experience of mentoring been for you? How has it pushed you?
Mentoring has added another purpose to my life. As a single father, I have honed some skills that I didn't realized was so needed in the world. I now know that I can help fill everyone’s need for that father figure in their lives.
The best part is seeing my mentee, looking into his heart, and then showing it to him and watching him develop more confidence to tackle the obstacles in his life. It really touched me the first time he reached out to me. As if he knew that he needed support and knew that he could get it from me. I was honored to be his space of comfort or release. It has pushed me to look into that mirror too, and continue to clear the things in my life, so I can support him in overcoming the challenges in his life.
What else would you say to anyone considering being involved in an All Kings community?
This work is so needed on the planet. It is what is missing for our men to become the leaders that they were meant to be. I also had the privilege to put my son through the weekend, and it was like magic -- it totally changed our relationship for the better. Where there was distance there is now connection. I see my 18 year old son has grown, and taken so much responsibility in the home, I joke that he is now my dad. (Laughs.) Seriously, I feel like I owe my life to All Kings and what was created that weekend. I can't wait for my youngest son to become eighteen and be able to go. I am so excited for what it will do for him!
